Funny jokes

Ordering fast food
The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.

One night, a few co-workers at the computer data centre where I work stayed late and we all started to get hungry. We decided to order in food by phone, but our boss thought that, since we work with computers, it would be more appropriate to order by Internet. After we contacted a fast food chain's web site and spent a long time registering as new customers for the delivery service, a message appeared on the screeen: "Thank you for your business. You will be able to order food in three days."

Kidnappers caught him
The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.

January 12, 1993

San Francisco police arrested Russell C. Sultan in July and charged him with attempting to extort $23,000 from his mother and girlfriend by claiming to have been kidnapped for ransom.

After tracing telephone calls, police, guns drawn, burst into a motel room to find Sultan casually eating fried chicken and watching a 49ers football game.

Sultan said the kidnappers had merely left him alone for a while, and exclaimed to the officers, "What took you so long?"

Robbing a locked bank
The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.

Wednesday, October 21, 1992

In Annandale, Va., two armed men rushed the front door of First American Bank just after manager Dwight Smith opened up.

Unknown to the men, the door had locked automatically behind Smith.

The first robber bounced off the door hitting the second man.

They escaped in their van and have not been captured.

Drunk while stealing
The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.

February 1, 1993

James Macdonals and William Shoesmith, both 26, were sentenced to five years in prison for bank robbery. According to his lawyer, Macdonald hated his robbery work and had to drink before each job.

For what was to be the pair's last job, he got fall-down drunk and had to be carried by Shoesmith into the bank to pull off the heist. The two were soon captured.

Free marriage ceremony
The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.

Farmer's Branch, Texas:

Customers waiting for car repairs at Swedish Auto Incorporated now have an alternative to reading old magazines.

William Signs, owner of the garage, is offering a free marriage ceremony with any 30,000-mile inspection on Hondas, Volvos and BMWs. For the $290 price of the inspection, he will throw in the cost of being married by the local justice of the peace, a $25 value.

The inspection comes with a warranty, but there is no guarantee on the marriage. Then again, the justice of the peace, Judge Bob Forman, suggests, "Maybe the car will break down and the marriage won't." He says he hasn't seen anything like this stunt since his days as a practicing attorney, when a client asked him to draw up wills for employees in lieu of cash bonuses at Christmas.

Signs said he got the idea during a trip to Las Vegas, where he noticed a helicopter operator offering free marriage ceremonies with the purchase of a deluxe helicopter ride. He decided to borrow the concept and bring some joy to the unhappy business of auto repair. "Normally people don't get good news" at auto shops, he adds.

The mechanic isn't concerned about his offer hastening the nuptials of mismatched partners or cheapening the institution of marriage. After all, 30,000-mile inspections aren't inexpensive. "They're going to have to spend almost $300." he says.

If the promotion proves popular, Signs is prepared to expand it to providing one-size-fits-all tuxedos and wedding dresses of the type that grooms and brides easily slip into at high-volume Las Vegas wedding chapels. For customers whose marriages fall apart, Signs is considering another bargain -- an uncontested divorce after four 30,000-mile inspections, a $100 value.

To advertise the promotion, Signs sent out a mailing to prospective customers and placed an ad on the side the shop van. But the ad began two months ago, and so far no one has taken Signs up on it. He has, however, heard lots of giggles and guffaws from people who call or stop to ask if the deal is real.

Meanwhile, his own Volvo is approaching another 30,000-mile point, and he's worried that his girlfriend may notice and pressure him to cash in on his own offer. To avoid that, he says he's considering disabling his odometer.